Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Butterflies eat shit

Today I learned that butterflies eat shit.... and dead things and sweat and urine and so much more. Urgh! What horrible little creatures. And yet..... no one thinks that. They're still beautiful creatures, loved by all. Hmm....

I've also identified with the butterfly because I was struggling so much with escaping from my (mostly) self imposed cocoon. After my divorce, I felt like I was pushing against everything people told me I was and tried to define my own place in the world. I dressed differently (brighter!), spoke differently (louder!), acted differently (funny, sarcastic, cheeky, flirty).

A lot of this behaviour, I had the privilege of practicing on the old StumbleUpon forums. I practiced being bitchy, nice, sexy, weird, spiritual, dark and everything inbetween. I believe that a few people thought I was being fake. I was really just trying to figure out who I was.

I still am, I guess. But now I know that all these "faces" are mine. I am all these things and more... and the darkness is a part of that too. Thankfully, it's not a big part anymore but having a dark side doesn't take away from the other good stuff. Also, I should probably stop labelling everything good/bad. It just is.

At least I dont eat shit like those butterflies.
Ok. I also need to give up the judgement thing.

Baby steps. :)