Tuesday, February 9, 2016


Yesterday was my ex wedding anniversary. We had the ceremony on 8th February 2013 but we actually signed the register on 14th February. How very..... *puke*. Heh... ok it kinda sweet at the time but I'm really not in the mood for love and romance at the moment. And yet....

Last week, I had to say no to a very tempting but inappropriate offer.  To keep myself safe (and sane), I've been trying to stay away. But as we eke closer to V day and the nights get lonelier and I'm just tired and stressed and.... I cant control the bad thoughts that are being debated in my head.

It's also been 90 days (I worked it out) since I've communicated with him. He's written to me (briefly) but it's really just pissed me off more than anything because it was just one liners and not an essay long declaration of his love for me. I dont ask for much... I think?

A dear friend said that I deserved so much better than these scraps. But do I? Really? I really dont know anymore. This seems to be "it" and all I can get my hands on.... so maybe I should settle. Again.

Yeah yeah.

Meh. I should be concentrating on my super important job that could change my life instead of silly boys and their lack of commitment.
I'm just constantly tired at the time with no good reason. Suppose I should sleep and sort out vitamin B12 shot.
Oh and stop worrying.

Yeah yeah.


Monday, February 8, 2016

Proust’s Questionnaire

I stumbled onto this on an article about Bowie and then found this complete list of Proust questions. Let's see how this goes. 
  1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being loved for just being me.
  2. What is your greatest fear? Losing everything I have.
  3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My low self esteem.
  4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Stupidity and laziness.
  5. Which living person do you most admire? Oprah, Madonna... women who dont really care what others think and just do their thing.
  6. What is your greatest extravagance? Clothes and food.
  7. What is your current state of mind? Mild anxiety.
  8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Hard work.
  9. On what occasion do you lie? When I feel embarrassed about the truth about myself.
  10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? Everything.
  11. Which living person do you most despise? No one in particular. Perhaps Gareth Cliff, Kanye or Trump but I dont care enough to hate them.
  12. What is the quality you most like in a man? Dependability.
  13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? Um.... non judgement.
  14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Literally. :)
  15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? The one I never got to meet.
  16. When and where were you happiest? Afrikaburn 2014. 
  17. Which talent would you most like to have? Ability to follow through on a plan.
  18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? How I look.
  19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Getting back on my feet after a divorce.
  20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? Butterfly.
  21. Where would you most like to live? Mozambique.
  22. What is your most treasured possession? Nothing much, at the moment. Perhaps my connection to the internet.
  23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Losing a parent/child.
  24. What is your favorite occupation? Psychologist
  25. What is your most marked characteristic? Sense of humour.
  26. What do you most value in your friends? When they laugh at my jokes.
  27. Who are your favorite writers? No one in particular. 
  28. Who is your hero of fiction? No one in particular.
  29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? No one in particular.
  30. Who are your heroes in real life? No one in particular.
  31. What are your favorite names? Michael.
  32. What is it that you most dislike? Anything new and dangerous.
  33. What is your greatest regret? Getting married.
  34. How would you like to die? Peacefully
  35. What is your motto? Try anything once.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Past things

Oh hello past things. Hello from the other side.... 

It's another Adele evening. Because there's only so many times that I can say goodbye to you. But every damn time... it hurts. And it's enough. Enough.
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

Lovely Adele reminds us that sometimes we can have a Spice Girls power day and sometimes we're just silly, happy drunks and sometimes we're a monster. But through it all... we're just ourselves, doing the best we can and just driving along through our lives.

Meh. I dont have any more words.
I'm regressing to 2006 ani where I just spoke in images.
And lots of Meh.
Grr. Urgh. Sigh.

Ok. I'm done.