Issues much?

So it's been a bit of a weird week. I've been busy and bored and very tired and a little happy.
Weird hey?

My last session with the doc brought up a whole lot of stuff that I really dont want to go into. Suffice to say that I have issues (ha!). And sometimes it doesn't matter how many times you talk about the same issue, it still remains an issue. But basically, deep deep deep down, I still assume that I'm this really horrible person that doesn't deserve a whole lot of good stuff. So I will either self sabotage a good thing or run after bad things. It's a skill I really dont want anymore.

The details of the last week are blurry.. I did a few fun things. I tried some things out of my comfort zone and then retreated into my cave for a while. I took my mom out for supper which was a nice thing to do. And I reconnected with an old online friend. Things are fine.

But, more than anything, I'm still pissed off at a small thing that's been happening. The stupid guy has been sending me these very passive aggressive and condescending emails and whatsapp messages. Stupid troll. I can see right through it but it still makes me really mad.  Like REALLY mad. One of the things I've learned from doc is that I do not know how to deal with anger. I take it all inside and beat myself up endlessly for things that other people do. I know... I know. It doesn't make sense but I feel like a dumbass. *shakes head at self*

I guess this is part of the reason why I'm so exhausted all the time. My mind runs a million miles a minute... it never rests. I worry about everyone and everything.... except me.

*breathes*

And on we go...

~anib

Life is long

I am part of the 90's "meh" generation.
I was a grunge girl... "oh well, whatever, nevermind" was our cry.
We were young, spotty rebels without a freaking clue.
Every generation has their reckless youth... and ours was no different, I guess.
The "live fast, die young" attitude was used an excuse for some pretty stupid activities. It doesn't matter, right? Life is short... try everything once... do whatever feels good to you. Right?
Well... no.
As you grow up, you realise that there are consequences to your actions.
Sometimes... life long consequences.

"You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years."
— Chris Rock

I often despair at my generation. Why are we so self absorbed?
Perhaps the excesses of the 80's was the beginning of the "me" generation.
Having too much of everything made us feel like we were owed everything.
We just have to look at the rapid growth of Web 2.0 sites. It's all about me.
MySpace was the beginning... and look how quickly that disintegrated into a masturbatory mess.
However, pretty soon everyone (and their mother) was blogging, Facebooking and Tweeting.
Do we ever shut up about ourselves?

And yes.. I've stayed away from blogging for a very long time because I hate how self indulgent it can be. The constant introspection and self-analysis cannot be healthy. Yes, I know we pay therapists now to just talk to us about ourselves... but, in the hands of immature kids, it's a dangerous practice.
While I love the freedom that true open honest discussion gives us, is it really ok to just say whatever you want whenever you want to say it? Are there any consequences to our actions?

This isn't an attack on bloggers... it's not about the medium. It's about our intentions.
You don't have to believe in karma to be aware that all our actions, big and small, have some effect on our world.
Everything that we do or say has repercussions.
Life is long.
Think before you act.
And maybe think of others before you think of your own needs and wants and desires.
You are important and you deserve the best... but we all need each other.
Life is serious business but we all make mistakes along the way.
One bit of good news is that no matter how many times we stumble through life... it does go on.
And, with a bit of help from our friends, the burden is shared and eased.
Just ask.
I'll be there.
xx


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