Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Hello from the other side

So Adele's new song hit the world just before I left to go to London. And I listened... and sighed and let it go.

And then stuff happened and I didnt get to see him.... and on it played and played and played in my head.

I decided to let go of him and everything (ha ha well I tried) but dear lovely Dorothy Black forced me to critically evaluate my attachment to that song and him and all the unnecessary drama. Why do you keep calling if you're a million miles apart? He doesn't care. You shouldn't care. Just STAHP! And yet. And yet.


I'm trying.

I also managed to finish a book this year. This amuses me because I couldn't even finish "meditation for busy people" (granted it was very small writing for a little book) but I was very kindly gifted "The Art of Asking" written by Amanda Fucking Palmer. What an awesome fun weird rambling little read. I really wanted to gift it to my good friend in the UK so I did my best to finish that book before I got to see her.

One of the things Amanda talks about is the imposter theory. You can go read up about it but basically, I'm feeling it in every way this week. I dont feel like I fit in at work or in any of my social circles. I get this little panic every couple of years, it seems, and then I just change my social circles... completely. It's a weird little pattern. But it's there,

So, I'm suddenly super anti-afrikaburn at the moment. And losing my love with the trance "family". And also feeling like I'm in way over my head at work. Even though everything is actually fine and people really do like/appreciate me. I just dont feel it.

I'm just sitting with it at the moment and not running. But it's tough.


I'm trying.


Thursday, November 5, 2015

Streets of London

I'm in London. I literally cant even.

I saw Big Ben and Waterloo and St Paul's Cathedral and London Opera House today and buildings older than my country. It's surreal and beautiful and crazy... and I'm exhausted from walking everywhere.

Also, I'm sure I'm pissing off the locals by walking in the wrong direction and pausing to stare at a beautiful piece of architecture.... but I want to stop everyone and just tell them to appreciate their ridiculously beautiful surroundings.

Heh. People are strange.

Work has been good. I rock at it. I cant wait to see my friends in Leeds... and I'm almost over people that dont make an effort to see me.


This song was in my head today as I decided to take a long walk back to the hotel... with google maps switched off. Was an experience.

I never expected to fall in love with London... but it really is charming.

Also... pretty damn proud of myself. After freaking the hell out on Monday... I'm starting to wish I could travel more. And maybe I will. Who knows. :)

So how can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
Show you something to make you change your mind