Monday, July 22, 2013

Mama... I killed a man

It's hard to write about something that hurts so very much.
It's so hard that I cant even talk about it in therapy. My dear doc has asked me to write angry letters to my mom and dad and I couldn't even get through those.
I guess it's easier to hate people that have physically hurt you. It still feels silly  to value my own feelings enough to be angry when someone just hurts you emotionally.
He's trying to get me to say "I matter".
Wish him luck.

And I wish I could pinpoint what exactly I'm angry/sad about. I kinda know what I missed out on because I see other well adjusted people and most of them have their parents' unwawavering love and support. Even during the tedxcapetown event I attended this weekend, I heard at least three people that credited their mothers as being the force in the lives that kept them going... the one person that always believed in them no matter what... and loved them unconditionally.

I dont feel like I had that.

And it sucks.

I'm not angry.
Just sad.
And tired of having to pick up the pieces all the bloody time.