Sunday, September 27, 2009

ani plays model

Well... Saturday was fun. :)
I was invited by a friend to model for the Cape Town Photography Meetup organised by J├╝rgen's Photography.
Initially, I balked at the idea.
I have a teeny tiny bit of an exhibitionist side.. but it's often overwhelmed by my deeply insecure side.
Insecure-ani had a field day...
"What will I wear?" "How do I fix my hair?" "My eyebrows are hideous!" "The pictures are going to suck.. they're going to hate me" etc etc... ad NAUSEAUM!
I don't like insecure-ani.
But I'm becoming quite good at putting that bitch in her place.. ;)

Anyway, my friend assured me that the photographers were only interested in lighting and composition... and had very little interest in the emotional wellbeing of the model. With my fagile, but quite oversized ego crushed and then firmly put in its place.. I decided to just go ahead and try it.
I got my eyebrows waxed (aside: remind me to write a rant about that barbaric process), put on my new favourite hat to hide my hair and took the LONG but really lovely drive to Hout Bay. (Another aside: I LOVE Cape Town. Truly, truly... the most beautiful city in the world!)

Ok.. so.. long story short.. here are the pics.
And here are some of my personal favourites (of me, of course ;P):






Well, I'm very happy with all the pics.. thank you to all the photographers.
And... I'm very proud of me.
*goofy grin*

Saturday, September 19, 2009

A 4 A 4 eva!

and that's my motto... for the rest of this year, at least. :)

after another long week of emotional drama...
i've decided that i am spending the rest of the year on ME.
i really really want to help the people that i love... but i have to take care of me.
i've spent way too much time and effort getting to this path in my life.
i owe it to myself to really find my way.

i am really tired now.. so i wont go into all the details.
but i know that the people who love me, will be there for me.
thank you.

edit: this song seemed appropriate.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Tell the truth

It's a Facebook thing.. but I don't want to depress my Facebook friends.
Actually, I just dont want them to worry.
This is just a mood.. and it shall pass... but at least it's honest.
Anyway... so this is me today, 7.22am with ONE cup of coffee.
I could try it a bit later and be a bit happier.. but.. meh.

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
coffee and marie biscuits with butter.
breakfast of the poor and unemployable.

2.Where was your profile picture taken?
the facebook one was taken at mersey bar in cape town with al_ice.
the one here was a self portrait, taken in polokwane.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?

4.Name someone who made you laugh today.
no one yet. although i do chuckle at my own emo-ness sometimes.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
10ish... um.. i guess i was tired.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
a tropical island would be nice.
right now, anywhere but here.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
all my friends live in my computer. :/

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
i dont know yet.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
no feelings.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
tuesday. i had a soft cry last night, though.

12. Who took your profile picture?
I did.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
will see if i can recover the picture, but it was taken at the now infamous games evening last week.
i have no further comment on that evening.
lots of unresolved feelings.. but no further comment.

14. Was yesterday better than today?
too early to tell.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
yes. as long as there's internet...

16. Are you upset about anything?
constantly, it seems.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
i dont know yet.

18. Are you a bad influence? Why?
um.. no. maybe. shrug. i have no idea what influence i might have.

19. Night out or night in?
"out".. if i can. but i usually can't.. so "in" for now.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
laptop with internet access. and coffee. and cheese. and my car.
money would be nice... but i have a credit card for now.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
i spent a few minutes with myself last year... it was like visiting a stranger. :/

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
i don't even know where my cellphone is... probably a credit card payment confirmation.

23. How do you feel about your life right now?

24. Do you hate anyone?
only some aspects of me.

25. If we were to look in your face book inbox, what would we find?
messages from groups. nothing sauce, i'm afraid.

26. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
i dont remember that kind of stuff.

27. What song is stuck in your head?
my head is empty right now.

28. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
my secret admirer.

29.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
i just want to have kids... the rest is up to them.

30. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
nothing. but i should probably go clear my credit card soon.

31. Do you think too much or too little?

32. Do you smile a lot?

Friday, September 11, 2009


I made this video before I fell hopelessly in love and before I met the most awesome people that I now call friends. None of that could've happened if I hadn't made the decision to TRY.

The other night... I helped a friend.
All I did was tell her: I'm here.
I have had so many people "be there" for me...
If I look back and look at the love I've received... I'm overwhelmed.
When I have the chance to give back some of what I've received... well, it truly is the greatest gift we can give each other.

So... this is for the people that I love.. and the people that love me.
And this is for the ones that don't feel the love yet... trust me... it's there for you.
"You can have it all... if you only Try"

*hugs the world*

and.. this is even more selfish self-promotion... but this video is for all of you too.