Forget about it

There are days... sometimes weeks... sometimes years... that can feel like you're dragging yourself through mud. When every minute of every day feels like a struggle. When, a little too often, you have to make the conscious choice to keep going, to not give up.
Those days feel cold, dark... and so very lonely.

I somehow managed to get out of such a slump recently. There were lots of internal reasons for it.. but mainly I was raging against this idea that looking to love to "save yourself from yourself" is not the answer.
I was angry. Sad. But mainly pissed off that lots of other people seem perfectly happy fixing their broken selves with love.... but I had to stay away from love and go do the shitty work of fixing myself first.
Not that I actually had a choice here.. but still. I raged. And emo'd.
Hard.

But I got over it. And, funnily enough (oh thank god I got my sense of humour back.. I missed that the most), I stumbled onto this clip from the Emmy's last night. Here's some Woody Wisdom for you:



And even though I dont really blog here a lot... I do share lots of things in different places. I've recently re-discovered a place called Categorian. And it's always interesting looking back...
Even though I know this wont help when I'm in "the black hole" again, I'm putting these up.
Because future emo ani,... you will get through it.
And you will be ok.
Possibly even better.
Promise.

                                                                 

                                             The trick is in what one emphasizes. 

                                                      We either make ourselves miserable, 
                                                           or we makes ourselves happy. 

The amount of work is the same

                       

~ anib

Letting go

I have some issues. Letting go is one of them.
This weekend, I was cut off from technology. This isn't the first time it's happened but every time it happens, I do panic a little and realise how much I rely on that virtual connection.
I realise how tightly I hold onto things and people... and stuff. So much STUFF!

I've become better and better at letting go. After my separation and divorce, I have learned to let go of all the stuff I accumulated over those five years. Yes, I still wish I had my cups and plates and duvet sets I carefully picked out for our home... but I can live without them.

Next weekend I need to chuck my ex husband out of my house and I'm a little scared/worried about all that stuff just being tossed aside. I shouldn't... but I do. I want it to mean something.... I hate feeling like it was all for nothing and now I have nothing.

However, the stuff is easier to let go of than people. It's been difficult, but I have let go of a few people that made me feel less than awesome. I dont need any cheerleaders but I would like friends that think I am the bee's knees. I dont really have that right now... and it bothers me a bit. But I have to believe that getting rid of the old will help bring in some new blood, so to speak.

I've also been shown how tightly I hold onto what I want.. and forget that sometimes I should let go of "want" and accept "this is what you need." How very buddhist. :P And sometimes it's more about "this is what you need to learn." It's a bit painful.... but I think I'm getting it.

I dont know if this will make sense to anyone... but I feel like something is changing.
I need to learn important lessons about love and life.... and I love how the people around me at the moment are challenging some of my old beliefs around that.
I'm a little excited.
I love the way my heart is a little bit more open than it used to be.
By letting go of the crap, you can let a whole lot of love in.
Happiness is.
:)