Biting my tongue

I woke up on Tuesday morning from another weird dream/nightmare and thought "oh that's pretty interesting... I should write it down." And then I fell asleep again and forgot the dream. However, I found that I had somehow managed to bite my tongue in my sleep. It's still really sore a day later so who knows what I was up to.

I logged onto twitter and people were bitching about some no bra day thing. Yes, I agree that no bras and pink shit doesn't help cancer but adding your voice just adds more noise sometimes. Maybe I'm super passive aggressive and not a fan of conflict, but I believe my silence says more than a verbal protest. Either way, I decided to ignore the drama and focus on the beautiful morning and forge ahead with a busy work day.

And then timehop gently reminded me that it was Yvette's birthday. I wish she (and her family) knew how much I still think of her. I still dont quite feel right having purple hair because that was her colour. And I wish I could plaster "please wear sunscreen" everywhere at outdoor parties. We haven't had too much sun yet but it's coming. Please please.... cover up and take care of your skin.

Anyhoo.. it made me a little sad to remember her, but such is the price of love. So on we keep moving with the day.

And then Facebook. It was pretty funny that in an informal twitter poll, I was one of the few people that chose Facebook as my favourite social media place. Look, it's full of conservative and/or racist friends and family.... but it's easy to hide those kind of things. Generally, the people that I follow are pretty interesting and entertaining. I guess I'm lucky in that way.

But then there are Facebook groups. ARGH. It can sometimes be a minefield to navigate the mini dramas that enfold. I am super grateful that I got my training in the old StumbleUpon groups on trolls and group moderation. Generally, it's a good idea to ignore the trolls. Let them have their say until they tire themselves out. And then you can update with the facts and leave them to carry on or lock the threads.

So I had a situation arise yesterday in one of my FB groups that made me super super angry. I remained calm when I was online and answered the necessary questions without responding to any personal attacks (aka "argumentam ad hominem", a much loved phrase). But damn was I angry offline. I was more angry that this was going on and on. Eventually I had to remove the thread from the public group because it was getting out of hand and I dealt with the issues in private message.

And then I went home and had a life.

I had actually almost forgot about it and was about to blog about it in anger last night when I got two apologies. Huh? I really didn't expect that. I generally avoid all conflict as I believe it never ends well. Granted, this was not really a personal issue so it was easier for me to stick to the facts and not feel too personally attacked. I guess I was just irritated that it was so public and embarrassing.

There're some lessons in here about keeping my tongue when I'm angry but also about learning when to speak up when I know something is wrong. There was a lot of stuff that I wanted to say, but it wasn't really appropriate or relevant to the particular discussion. So I'm glad I didn't say things that I would regret now.

In the end, it feels pretty fricking awesome to be validated and I think I did the right thing in this situation. I'm definitely not perfect though and I do make errors in judegment but I am always willing to learn from them. There're a few people that I trust that I will seek advise from tonight.... so we'll see what happens out of that.

Overall... twas a good day.
My tongue is still sore though.

xx

For Yvette

I dont even know how to deal with this.
Last week, on my way home from Afrikaburn, I found out via Facebook that my friend, Yvette, had passed away while I was at Tankwa Town.
I was in shock.
The last I'd heard was that she was back in hospital after some complications from the chemo treatment she was on. This had happened a few times before and she was always fine. She was a tough cookie... she would always just make it, regardless of what the doctors said.
I cannot understand why...

Yvette was (is, is, IS!) an amazing woman. She is the ultimate geek supergirl and proud of it. She's a code-busting, hello kitty loving, cupcake baking, dragon living, passionate, intelligent, opinionated, stubborn, purple-haired, knitting, cat owning, sushi eating, movie watching, geeking out superwoman.

A few memories that stand out include the night before she got her braces. She wanted to indulge in one last eat-as much-as-you-can ribs night at spur with me. I think about her every time I get ribs. I dont think we ever had ribs again after her braces came off... but she really did enjoy her new smile.

Another fun day was the day we geeked out at Ratanga Junction. Her need for speed and rollercoaster streak shone through as she made us more nervous types try every ride at the park... twice. She loves what she loves... and she loves it hard. She was never scared to fly her freak flag high.

On that note, I will always be grateful to her for making me watch the original Hercules with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Total geek out. And also for forgiving me for not watching any Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings movies. No matter how much you disagreed with someone, you let them be them. Thank you for that.

And now... you're gone.
Gone but never forgotten.
I still have the little stone you gave us at your last birthday that said "happiness".
I wish you happiness, Ms Mage Pen Dragon. Much love and happiness for you.
Thank you for you.
And fuck cancer hard.

~anib