Sunday, September 8, 2013

Who Are You?

Caterpillar: ... Who are you?
Alice: I- I- I hardly know, sir! I changed so many times since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: I do not see. Explain yourself. 
  Alice: Why, I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir, because I'm not myself, you know... 
  Caterpillar: I do not know. 
  Alice: Well, I can't put it anymore clearly for it isn't clear to me!  
Caterpillar: You? Who are you? 

Full clip here.

Someone asked me the other day what I like, what I do, what my interests are... and I was stumped.

I know why I was stumped, though. I have really changed so much in the last few years that I really dont know who I am right now. And so many of the things I liked or identified with, was in some way related to other people, which included friends, family and boyfriends.

My attempts at fitting in and trying to be liked by everyone included doing what everyone else was doing.I was getting so good at it, I lost who I was. Or maybe I just didnt give myself a chance to actually find out. Better late than never, I guess.

It doesnt freak me out as much as it used to. This "finding out who you are" business means a fair amount of time alone, doing things that scare me a little... doing new things I might not like... and doing nothing *big eek*.

But with all these new and interesting challenges I put myself through, I seem to survive. I've done dinner alones, clubs alone, gone to parties alone... and I did ok. The general aim is to meet new people but, at the moment, I'm generally ok with just being "alone".

Somewhere, in that empty space, I'll start filling it up with things that I love. But, for now, I need to let go of a lot of things (including half my wardrobe) and just be... alone.

*little eek*



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