Unfollowing friendships

So today is that day. I’m not even going to bother checking my timehop today because I remember how raw my feelings were when I posted on Facebook and Twitter about my dad passing away.

Three years ago, I really thought I had many friends on social media. Maybe I did… but I know that I had not a single “friend” show up at the funeral. Not one. And when I was hospitalised later that year, I also had zero visits from any “friend”. 

That year was one of the worst (second only to my divorce year in 2008), but at least I learned some things.  Mainly, I learned to fall out of love with my twitter followers. Not everyone is your friend… And that’s ok. I cut out a large percentage of my followers and don’t speak to any of the Cape Town “twitterati” anymore since that year. I have zero desire for any more tweetups. My life got a little bit more offline and, these days, I do share a whole lot less. Then again, I also have a lot less drama in my own life and very little interest in other people’s drama.

The internet is still an amazing place with lots of potential for magical connections. I still have close friendships with people I’ve never met in real life (through StumbleUpon mainly). But a real friend shows up in real life. A real friendship requires action and time. A real friendship has more than 140 characters.

I still have quite a few “friends” online and offline that I know aren’t real friends. We are friendly and nice to each other but I know that I only have a few people that I can call up at any hour and rely on them. Lord knows I am so very done with unreliable people. And I cut them out much more easily (and quickly) these days.

Anyway, I guess I’m still angry at the people I was friends with at that time that never showed up for me. I’m not quite over it and I suppose I will have to let it go. But it’s made me much more aware of who I can trust and perhaps also made me a little too aloof with new people.

It’s my self defence system, I guess. When I am your friend, I will give 100% of my loyalty and I have to know for sure that you’re not going to bail on me. So I wait and see and check people out for a long time before I “commit” to the friendship. Not many stick around for that but it’s ok for now.

*sigh*

People are hard work.

~anib 

edit. thanks to cath jenkin for linking to this article about our "online generation." in short... this is just how we are... but it sucks sometimes.