Cape Town in May by AJ Venter
May. Post Afrikaburn depression.... Mid-Autumn depression.... Death anniversaries... the start of the mid year slump .... and no fucking cuddle buddy again this year. Fun.
So, yes. Afrikaburn was lovely this year. I slept a lot, met so many interesting people and actually relaxed and had a sober(ish) fun time with real friends. I'm lucky and grateful for that. I still dont know why I go though.... but I do. And it helps..... something.
It's getting colder and darker in Cape Town. And while it's been lovely having an excuse to stay home and watch crappy movies, I do miss people and sun and parties.... sometimes.
And then death. Blah. Dad's death anniversary is tomorrow. 2012 feels like a lifetime ago at times. And, at other times, well... all the feels. At least I'm better than I was back then. Four years of radical self improvement, including four burns and countless trance parties and clown training and many many hours of therapy. God, I cant wait until therapy tomorrow.
But I'm better. At least I can acknowledge today that I am angry and sad and jealous.
And then there's boys and the distinct lack of action. I got kissed at Afrikaburn (not romantically though) but the idea was there and it was fun. And now I'm in the mood for it.... but not for relationships. I think. Maybe. I dont know.
Still, being around other relationships is making me feel grumpy and unhappy and inadequate. And that sucks. Fun.
Ok. I've got nothing more to add to this. I will talk about it in therapy tomorrow.