The language of love

I recently stumbled onto this website about love languages. Do the quiz.
My last two posts may been a bit confusing... I want love, I dont want love... The truth is, maybe I dont know what love is. Or I just dont understand the language.

So apparently my "languauge of love" is time and words. I do take it very personally if people dont have time for me. If I've made time for you and you dont pitch, it's really hard for me to forget that. And words can really move me deeply. I love poetry, writing... and long wordy emails. Conversely, I'm often hurt by careless things that people say.

The other languages are service, gifts and touch. And all my past relationship mistakes come rushing into mind.... *sigh* I've had partners that would show their love in their acts of service... and that just irritated me. I didnt want gifts and stuff. I want your time and attention... and hopefully a pretty poem. Well I did at least get one poem. :)

I dont have much more to add... other than I'm frustrated and irritated by my past mistakes and my current lack of progress. I have little patience at the moment.
And I feel like I'm running out of time....

*grumble*

~anib

Linger

Linger by*eiahmiki @ DeviantArt.com

Our brains are pretty amazing. We're one of the few mammals that can grasp the concept of a past, present and future. I'm particularly interested in memories and how our brains can trick us... or how we (consciously or not) can trick the brain back.

I dont know much about the psychology of memories, but I know that every time you think about something, you create a link in your brain to it. The more you think about it, the stronger that link becomes. Which is why it's often difficult to forget the things that we want to forget... because we keep thinking about them!

"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it." ~Michel de Montaigne 

It's true that what you resist, persists. So, why can't we just stop?! Urgh! Because we're also emotional creatures with active imaginations. The problem with a memory is that you forget the bits that you didn't like and you're often left with a rosy view of the past. It's natural... but it can be dangerous.

So.. as the year ended a couple of days ago.... I went through the year that was, picking at certain memories. There are so many things that I wish I hadn't experienced... so many mistakes... so much unnecessary crap that I put myself through. There was good stuff too: amazing new and renewed friendships, an awe-inspiring World Cup, a quiet confidence that I've never had before.

There are still a few memories that catch me off-guard and it still hits me hard when I remember a certain pain, a betrayal, a lack of caring... I choose to keep remembering those because I want to learn. I dont want to go back there... so I have to learn from the pain.
I want to remember it all, so that I can learn to be thankful and grateful for ALL of life's experiences.
I want to be better and do better.
And, eventually, I do want the memories that hurt to go away and not linger in the back of my head.
I really want to.. and I will.. in time.
For now... they linger...
But not for long... I promise.

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong

Happy 2011.
May you be brave enough to remember.
xx