Monday, September 6, 2010

A cry, a smile, a dance

I stumbled onto this old post and a poem that I posted more than a year ago... (before everything!):

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

By Rumi, Translation by Coleman Barks

I'll be honest... I've been having some pretty dark thoughts recently. It was a combination of some very depressing things... but basically I lost all hope of ever getting somewhere. 
I feel like I'm constantly banging my head against a mountain... and I got tired of fighting.
I gave up on life.

And then... I dont know what it was... the quiet confidence of friends saying without words "I believe in you", the fact that the sun was determined to shine no matter how long I slept and hid behind closed curtains, or the fact that I quickly ran out of DVD's to watch after my three days in bed. *chuckle* (But seriously.. I need more movies, guys. Hook me up!)

I don't know what it was... but today I decided to step outside. I was prepared to run back into my coccoon... but I didn't. I talked with friends, I smiled... I even laughed and danced a little. Oh, I did cry as well, of course... but what's life without a cry, a smile.. a dance. (cue Judith Sephuma.)

So... these last couple of dark days have been cleared out.
There will be others... and I will greet them with as much love as I can next time.
I have a bit of hope back and I am ready.
Bring it on.

1 comment:

  1. It's funny how that step can be the hardest thing about those times... so easy to convince ourselves that we don't matter, that no one cares and no one can really reach us, and yet all it takes is just a tiny step, and we realise that it's maybe *us* who can't reach *them*!

    A friend gave me a pep talk about allowing friends to be there recently, and while I still find myself getting into my bad habits, I find that trying to remember that and always making that effort to 'step into the light' (even when it is so hard) makes all the difference. :-)