Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Well, I don’t like living under your spotlight
Just because you think I might find somebody worthy oh oh oh
Well, I don’t like living under your spotlight
Baby if you treat me right, you won’t have to worry

I was on a boat on the Vaal River in Sasolburg when I decided that this was the song. This was the song that said it all. This was the reason I left my marriage in 2008. This was what I didn't want anymore: to be in someone's shadow.

But, for some reason, I did it again... and again.
The truth is, I'm petrified of the spotlight.

Spot light by leepro

There's an element of laziness to it. It's easier to hide in the shadows.
There's definite fear. Putting yourself "out there" means you could get hurt.
There's a clear anxiety that I'll make mistakes and everyone will then know I'm not perfect. OMG...!


But still...
I keep trying.
I keep demanding and wanting more.
Despite the fear, I keep fighting for my piece.
I want my light.. and not just a moment.
I want a place and I want it all.

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